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Bandićizam u svom prirodnom okruženju ili populističke predizborne mjere za naivne majke?

Na vijestima se ovih dana raspravlja  (ne)argumentirano o najnovijem Bandićevom ispadu, odnosno, nametanju odluke kojom se majke s troje i više djece, a koje barem jedno još ne ide u školu, dobivaju status odgojiteljice i puno plaću po hrvatskom prosjeku.

Ova mjera je, naravno, razveselila majke koje su kod kuće na porodiljnom, ili koje rade kod privatnika za minimalac. U široj slici gledano, ovo je mjera koja ima svojih pozitivnih strana, npr, nezaposlene majke, a koje više ne primaju porodiljnu naknadu, mogu dobiti sredstva s kojima će lakše osigurati djeci hranu, odjeću i zadovoljiti osnovne potrebe. No, Bandić, šerif kakav je, povlači ovaj potez proračunato netom prije izbora kako bi osigurao da dobije glasove majki i očeva koji će mu noge ljubiti jer im je eto omogućio da sjede kod kuće i primaju plaću za koju je većina ljudi studirala i radi 8-10 sati dnevno, a koji će na izbore izaći s tim friškim obožavanjem, s nedovoljno vremena prije izbora kako bi se informirali o skrivenim posljedicama i stvarnoj dugoročnoj održivosti te mjere.

PROBLEMI I KONTROVERZE KOJI DOLAZE U PAKETU S ODLUKOM

  1. Ovo je ODLUKA, a ne ZAKON. Dakle, nakon izbora, dan, dva ili godinu, odjednom će, “nečekivano”, Grad ostati bez sredstava. Majke koje su sada kod kuće, a nezaposlene, neće izgubiti puno, osim što su možda mogle naći posao, a nisu jer ga nisu tražile u periodu u kojem ih je Banditić obasipao novcima poreznih obveznika, no majke koje će se odlučiti na davanje otkaza isključivo kako bi mogle iskoristiti ovu mjeru (jer rade za minimalac, a ovo je svakako puno veći iznos), u trenutku kada se ta mjera ukine (a hoće, kao i sve populističke predizborne mjere do sada), ostat će na burzi, bez ikakvih primanja, s djecom koja ne možda neće više uspjeti dobiti mjesto u vrtiću. A ako ta mjera nekim čudom i opstane, gdje su te majke za 10 – 15 godina? Žene od 35+ s desetljećem propuha u radnoj knjižici. Koji poslodavac će ti dati prednost pred nekim tko je na tržištu rada cijelo to vrijeme? Od čega planiraš živjeti?
  2.  Banditić podupire majke da ispisuju svoju djecu iz vrtića. Ovo je potez o kojem se ne bi trebalo previše lamentirati jer bi njegova važnost trebala biti očita svakom roditelju, no nažalost, mislim da će roditelji koji će žarko željeti dobivati novce za to što su im djeca kod kuće po cijele dane najmanje razmišljati o tome što dijete gubi nepohađanjem kolektiva. Koliko je roditelja svjesno da dijete neće niti upola razvijati sve kompetencije dok je kod kuće s mamom, i da kava s mamom koja ima dijete iste dobi ili igra u parku nije niti blizu toliko kvalitetna?  Jeste li svjesni, roditelji, da vaše dijete u vrtiću razvija socijalne vještine i rješavanje konflikata na pedagoški način? Da razvija svijest o sebi i poštivanje drugih, emocionalnu inteligenciju i prepoznavanje i razumijevanje vlastitih i tuđih osjećaja? Da razvija govor, rječnik, matematiku, prepoznavanje slova i brojeva i općenito razvoj predčitalačkih vještina, da svladava pričanje priča, uživa u zajedničkoj slobodnoj i voođenoj igri i aktivnostima, stvaranju sa svojim vršnjacima? Da sklapa prijateljstva i da je izloženo novim idejama, informacijama i vještinama? A to je samo vrh ledenog brijega. Naravno da bi svaka majka mogla mnogo tih aktivnosti provoditi kod kuće s djecom, no, budimo realni, neće. Neće jer joj to ipak nije struka niti posao, i premda želi najbolje za svoje dijete,  neće izrađivati didaktičke igračke redovito, neće osam sati voditi aktivnosti kojima je svrha i cilj razvijati sve te kompetencije kod djece, nego će usput kuhati, peglati, prati, čistiti, ići na kave, pričati na mobitel… Dakle, bit će plaćena kao odgojiteljica, a i više, uzevši u obzir plaće u većini privatnih vrtića, a neće raditi niti desetinu tog posla.Slikoviti prikaz prednosti cjelodnevnog boravka u vrtiću.        fdk_eng i fdk_eng
  3. Majke će biti ODGOJITELJICE, ali neće raditi posao odgojiteljice. Kao što sam gore spomenula, majke dobivaju status kao i osobe koje su studirale i učile, čitale i svladavale mnogobrojne knjige o odgoju i komunikaciji s djecom, te, ono najvažnije, provode svoj radni dan skrbeći o 20+ tuđe djece. Hoće li majke odgojiteljice morati, kao odgojiteljice, voditi pedagošku dokumentaciju? Hoće li raditi razvojne mape svoje djece? Hoće li ići na usavršavanja barem jednog godišnje? Hoće li biti kazneno odgovorne ukoliko dođe do propusta? Hoće li im se smanjiti plaća dok su na bolovanju?
  4. Zašto biti kod kuće do djetetove 15. godine života? Na ovo sam kompletno bez riječi. Kako su žene do sada mogle imati djecu i raditi, a današnje žene, ako je vjerovati Bandiću, to jednostavno ne mogu?
  5. Ako ja sada radim i iz mojih doprinosa, poreza, prireza, poreza na prirez, prireza na porez, poreza na porez poreza prireza na porez na prireza, plaćam tu vašu mjeru da 15 godina sjedite kod kuće, tko će plaćati moju mirovinu? Jer, moji novci odlaze na “status majke odgojiteljice”, a ona nema doprinosa koji bi išli u budžet za moju mirovinu,
  6. Zašto nisu majkama dali status Majke, te omogućili benefite kako bi im olakšali odgoj i brigu o djeci? Zašto nisu majkama, očevima, svima, omogućili poslove od kojih mogu dostojanstveno živjeti? Ovdje se našao čovjek koji o odgoju djece ne zna apsolutno ništa, a još manje o poslu skrbi i odgoja 20+ tuđe djece. Majka kao majka je nezamjenjiva i ne treba joj drugi status – biti majka je dovoljna i samodostatna odgovornost sama po sebi. Ali ova mjera majkama samo omogućava da dijete izvuku iz kolektiva i sjede kod kuće, umjesto da se im se, ako se već želi podržati natalitet i pomoći socijalno ugroženima, omoguće razne edukacije i osposobi ih za posao, odnosno, nađe im posao. Ako je problem skupljanje djece iz vrtića i briga o njima do povratka roditelja s posla, neka im onda  Grad financira dadilju. Samo kod nas šerif može donijeti odluke koje podržavaju nezaposlenost. I ne, biti kod kuće s djecom 15 godina nije posao. Potrebno je biti s djecom kod kuće dok su mala, no, ovo je travestija. Šamar svim odgojiteljicama, a i majkama koje imaju posao i obitelj i ne računaju na socijalu s državne grbače. Znate kako kažu, daj čovjeku ribu, nahranio si ga za jedan dan. Nauči ga pecati, nahranio si ga za cijeli život. E pa, drage majke, vi ćete ipak dobiti ribu, i to ribu koju će platiti majke koje su rodile djecu svjesne svih otežavajućih faktora, ali koje se i dalje bore i rade. Ne osuđujem – kad bih znala da je ova mjera koja će držati vodu, vjerojatno bih i ja dala otkaz i sjedila kod kuće s djecom za novce za koje netko drugi radi po cijele dane, jer, koga briga za to što je najbolje za dijete? (i ne, nije najbolje za dijete da nije ni u kakvom kolektivu do osnovne škole, a ako vam nije baš jasno zašto, sigurna sam da će vam svaki pedagog i psiholog u školi i vrtiću to lijepo elaborirati. )
  7. Ako se iz proračuna troške novci za ovu mjeru, iz koje druge mjere će se ti novci povući? Kad otvoriš jednu pipu, koliko drugih ćeš zatvoriti?
  8. Zašto je uvjet za rad u vrtiću diploma? Zašto se studij predškoslkog odgoja povećao na petogodišnji, ako je za status odgojiteljice dovoljno samo imati troje djece? Zašto moramo studirati da bismo radile u vrtiću?Moja topla preporuka, drage majke, jest da se INFORMIRATE i razgovarate sa stručnjacima prije nego što se odlučite na drastične poteze, jer novci ipak ne vrijede da se dijete izvuče iz kolektiva, niti da vi za deset godina niste nikome poželjna radna snaga.

 

Why I don’t feel sorry for abused women

We all know that one friend/cousin / neighbour whose husband or boyfriend abuses her. We’ve all heard about mum’s colleague from work who fell from the stairs at least three times. We all remember that one woman who “had no other choice but the stay with him because of the kids”. We’ve all read painfull stories about battered, bruised and depressed women.

I always felt so sorry for them, I wanted to fight for them, to kick their husband’s behinds, to set them free… I had so many ideals, I can’t even count or remember them nowadays.  Being a child from a big, socialized family, and a child of a lawyer, I had the opportunity to witness  many people’s stories and life struggles. It all made me feel like driving on an emotional roller coaster throughout the years. It also gave me so many information and contexts, which led me to a somewhat shocking realization.

I honestly don’t feel sorry for most of the abused women.

It has nothing to do with me being cold, emotionless or mean. But it has everything to do with them wanting to be abused – not a news flash, really.

Nowdays it’s inexcusable to stay in an abusing relationship. If the abused woman has got no job to support herself (which I’ve also found to be usually her choice, not need or not being able to find a job), there are plenty of organizations that help women in every possible way. I may sound harsh, but I’m talking about many relationships around me – including one mine.

I actually allowed one always-between-jobs (is there a worse kind than that one?) who didn’t brush his teeth in the morning (because he brushed them before going to bed  (hopefully)) to make me feel bad about myself, the way I dress and look. For five months, he had the power to make me feel very self-conscious and bad. Funny thing is, it was him being inadequte to make tell me those things that made me more angry than him actually meaning that. I never really indulged in  his opinion, so it didn’t last long. Good riddance!

A friend of mine is in an emotionally abusive type of relationship for seven years now. She is one of the most innocent, cute, honest, hard working girls I’ve ever met. She comes from a wonderful, warm and supportive family and has amazing sisters. She’s pretty and positive and modest. I strongly believe she is one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. And yet, she’s in a relationship that kicked off at young age, but they didn’t grow up together – while she’s planning her future, he is more concerned about how mature he wants everyone to think of him, He forbids her to take a vacation with her girlfriends, controls her FB profile, calls, messages… It’s a riot watching him trying to control everything and making everyone like him, while nobody gives a rat’s ass about him and his control-freaking, nor likes him at all. She misses out on movie nights and trips, family events and weddings because he is so freakin’ jealous! She actually left three days after we came to the seaside for a vacation. Up until that point I thought about talking to her and showing my support, but when she obeyed his order to come back home because he said so, I’ve decided to keep my mouth shut because it’s obviously her choice to let someone else control her life.

My other friend is in a reltionship where he hits her when he gets mad “because she made him mad”,” drove him crazy”, “was so annoying”… He orders what her children will eat and when, he punishes them when they get a grade lower than an A, he doesn’t allow this or that… She leaves him every couple of days, once a month “it’s for good, it’s forever this time,,,” and, guess what? She’s now preagnant with him. Blisfully abused for five years and a baby on the way. A girl with a doctorate’s degree and a big salary and her own apartment obeying some low life with  a mountain of insecurities. Yay for independence! Yay for feminism!

I could name a few more, but it all sums up to the same ammount: lots of insecurities and no backbone.

Some people have told me I’m to harsh, it’s their life and what gives me the right to tell if someone else’s relationship is good or not?

Well, it’s actually VERY simple.  I HAVE A BRAIN AND COMMON SENSE.

Staying in an unhealthy relationship is as common as a cold in this new age. We are so freaked out about hitting 30, that we will settle down just for the sake of not ending up alone in few years. We blindfold ourselves and bend facts to fit the theory and wishes. It’s all about finding the one that will agree it’s okay to say I DO, It’s normal to be divorced, but not to be 30+ and single.

And  knowing if he/she is the one is just as simple. It’s a YES or NO thing.

Is he the type of guy you would be happy your daughter to marry?
Is she the girl you would like your daughter to be alike?

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Share your thoughts on the subject :) comment box at the top :)

 

Sexism

Modern times call for modern measures.

It’s a wide known, but hugely misused saying.

We all know that modern day women are victims of sexism in mostly all areas of life, especially professional. Yes, we are paid less for the same job as the next guy and yes, our (possible) maternal leave is an issue even on the job interview and yes, they do respect our multitasking but HE just did a better job because he was pushing his team to do the best they can and SHE was aggressive and nervous because of the PMS. Professional undermining is one tough cookie, but have we ever tried to track down the root to that evil and face our own, feminine, blame in this?

I’ve tried and it wasn’t too hard. Unfortunately.

We make fun with pictures of HERS and HIS shelf in the bathroom, with how much we spend on our wardrobe while they have the same two pairs of jeans and three T-shirts for four years and with their gossip-free mindset. We spend zillions on make-up, and no way our 90-year-old neighbour could see us without a mascara while throwing out the trash. We talk about feminisim (in rational portions) and empowering our inner goddess, we lament about how we DESERVE rescpect, how we don’t want to be considered „the weaker sex“ and we act allmighty… But our own mindset is set on PLEASE. Please your man. Please neighbours. Please your family. Please strangers in the bus. PLEASE EVERYONE,.

While we are educated, smart, responsible, warm, capable of changing the oil in the car and paying the morgage for the house, we degrade ourselves into blow-up dolls who need to EARN their man’s respect and fidelity, who must look hot, sexy, highly groomed and maintained. We CRAVE other people’s approval.

Why is that so?

Because we enjoy it. We enjoy trashing other women, not considering it’s a magical circle and it will come back to us eventually.

Two women gossiping in studio (B&W)

Being surrounded with women 90% of my time (Gossip Girl here, xoxo), I’ve noticed an interesting pattern in the XX chromosome carriers. There’s a friend of mine whose boyfriend cheated on her for a year and all she could say after a 7 year relationship is „I didn’t take care of myself, I’ve gained some weight, I didn’t wear nice clothes… he told me it’s bothering him, and I didn’t do anything, so it’s really my fault“, and there’s a whole bunch of them with the pretty much the same mindset. So I’ve tried to write down the most common „advices“ magazines feed us with, and stories we girls share with eachother to get the idea why is it that we are so feeble when it comes to men, and, consequently, why they look upon us with the „being female“ pity.

First advice I’ve stumbled upon is – TALK DIRTY.

Yes, I agree, talk dirty to him! Toilet seat, dishes, bed linen…. If you’re living with him, he is as tired as you are, or should I say, you are as tired as he is, after a 9 hour shift. Cleaning is not a superpower women are born with! They are as superheroes with the garbage can as you are. Do not pity him, or just give up because you know he will say „I’ll do it“, and continue playing LoL or watching football.

But, honestly, if you’re dating a guy who doesn’t mind dirty bathroom or kitchen….. Don’t date him. That’s a guy who you will grow to hate and resent at one point. And he most certanly is not a guy you want your children to look up to. Honestly, just… don’t date him. Slavery ended more than 150 years ago, so update yourself to the new software, please.

Okay, I mean, I know what they mean by this „Talk dirty“ „advice“. But, seriously, „Sleeping with you is like spending a week in Marrakesh (sweaty and expensive)“?! Are we having sex or making travel plans? „Where do I send the cheque?“ Like, are you for real?! They seriously advice you to refer to your guy as if he were a gigolo? No wonder you’re single. “Wow, I’ve never seen bigger!” I really hope I don’t need to explain that, if he needs to hear this, he has much bigger issues that his… big.

sexism

Next advice is to DO SOME EXCERSICE AND LOOK GOOD

That actually confused me some, because it is usually right after the article where they pray about how beautiful you are, no matter if you’re tall,short, fat, skinny… But, loose some weight to make him want you.

It is actually not a bad advice, but you should really do it for yourself and no one else. If it makes you miserable, but he wants you to look thinner, then it’s time to check if he wants it for your own health and well being, or because he just simply doesn’t really love you for who you are.

This is where I stoped with the advices because I was shell shocked with the comments I started, and couldn’t stop, reading. The comments were mostly from women to other women. Instead of being supportive to each other, we, of course, can’t wait for an opportunity to disgrace and humiliate some other poor sod we consider so stupid, we have all the right to throw bad words in her face(book profile). Most of the comments were blaming women for not being sexy, not having regular sex with their boyfriend/husband, for gaining weight after pregnancy, for being too tired with work and kids and household and not giving „your man what he deserves, so it’s ok for him to go find someone who will give it to him“. It actually, physically hurt me to see how big-mouthed these women are.They really don’t stop at anything, even though they have absoultely no idea what someone’s life looks like.

And they find minds who think alike, not understanding that public undermining women just gives men the right (in their minds) to act the way they feel like. Do I even have to mention there were male comments of the same sort? Some rusty, old bag commented how his wife must look sexy and it is disgusting if she doesn’t. He got tons of  likes.

Apart from the relationship part, we are also donwsized in all possible ways in the business field.

If a man is called a LEADER, a woman will be called PUSHY for the same behaviour.
A man is DEVOTED, but a woman is OVERBEARING.
He is MULTITASKING, but she is NOT CONCETRATED ON THE IMPORTANT.
When he is not making notes in a meeting, he is SMART ENOUGH TO MEMORIZE IT, she is NOT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY.
A man is STRONG, and a woman is AGGRESSIVE.
When he goes for a drink ater work, he is SOCIALIZING, but she is NEGLECTING HER CHILDREN / PARTYING.

I could list it all night long, but the bottom line is, we face sexism at its purest and at its discreet, but we can’t blame anyone else but us, because we will say all those things in all these situations!

It is time for you to stop fearing the Succesful Bitch. It is time for you to change your mindset and think how chic that hardworking mother of three dressed today, not how expensive her clothes is. It is time to stop fearing your own insecurities, flaws and reflection in the mirror and to accept you deserve better than a man who makes you angry for not helping around the house, or makes you feel guilty for going on a trip with her girlfriends, and that you deserve better than a boss who makes snarky, sexist comments about your appearance.

It is time to fully enjoy life, accept yourself and others because, hey, at the end of the day it’s just you and your consience, and it better damn right be clean.

And remember: Not being mean is being good, too!

Feel free to comment AT THE TOP OF THE POST (I still haven’t figured out how to put the comment box at the end :))

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