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Sexism

Modern times call for modern measures.

It’s a wide known, but hugely misused saying.

We all know that modern day women are victims of sexism in mostly all areas of life, especially professional. Yes, we are paid less for the same job as the next guy and yes, our (possible) maternal leave is an issue even on the job interview and yes, they do respect our multitasking but HE just did a better job because he was pushing his team to do the best they can and SHE was aggressive and nervous because of the PMS. Professional undermining is one tough cookie, but have we ever tried to track down the root to that evil and face our own, feminine, blame in this?I’ve tried and it wasn’t too hard. Unfortunately.

We make fun with pictures of HERS and HIS shelf in the bathroom, with how much we spend on our wardrobe while they have the same two pairs of jeans and three T-shirts for four years and with their gossip-free mindset. We spend zillions on make-up, and no way our 90-year-old neighbour could see us without a mascara while throwing out the trash. We talk about feminisim (in rational portions) and empowering our inner goddess, we lament about how we DESERVE rescpect, how we don’t want to be considered „the weaker sex“ and we act allmighty… But our own mindset is set on PLEASE. Please your man. Please neighbours. Please your family. Please strangers in the bus. PLEASE EVERYONE,.

While we are educated, smart, responsible, warm, capable of changing the oil in the car and paying the morgage for the house, we degrade ourselves into blow-up dolls who need to EARN their man’s respect and fidelity, who must look hot, sexy, highly groomed and maintained. We CRAVE other people’s approval.

Why is that so?

Because we enjoy it. We enjoy trashing other women, not considering it’s a magical circle and it will come back to us eventually.

Two women gossiping in studio (B&W)

Being surrounded with women 90% of my time (Gossip Girl here, xoxo), I’ve noticed an interesting pattern in the XX chromosome carriers. There’s a friend of mine whose boyfriend cheated on her for a year and all she could say after a 7 year relationship is „I didn’t take care of myself, I’ve gained some weight, I didn’t wear nice clothes… he told me it’s bothering him, and I didn’t do anything, so it’s really my fault“, and there’s a whole bunch of them with the pretty much the same mindset. So I’ve tried to write down the most common „advices“ magazines feed us with, and stories we girls share with eachother to get the idea why is it that we are so feeble when it comes to men, and, consequently, why they look upon us with the „being female“ pity.

First advice I’ve stumbled upon is – TALK DIRTY.

Yes, I agree, talk dirty to him! Toilet seat, dishes, bed linen…. If you’re living with him, he is as tired as you are, or should I say, you are as tired as he is, after a 9 hour shift. Cleaning is not a superpower women are born with! They are as superheroes with the garbage can as you are. Do not pity him, or just give up because you know he will say „I’ll do it“, and continue playing LoL or watching football.

But, honestly, if you’re dating a guy who doesn’t mind dirty bathroom or kitchen….. Don’t date him. That’s a guy who you will grow to hate and resent at one point. And he most certanly is not a guy you want your children to look up to. Honestly, just… don’t date him. Slavery ended more than 150 years ago, so update yourself to the new software, please.

Okay, I mean, I know what they mean by this „Talk dirty“ „advice“. But, seriously, „Sleeping with you is like spending a week in Marrakesh (sweaty and expensive)“?! Are we having sex or making travel plans? „Where do I send the cheque?“ Like, are you for real?! They seriously advice you to refer to your guy as if he were a gigolo? No wonder you’re single. “Wow, I’ve never seen bigger!” I really hope I don’t need to explain that, if he needs to hear this, he has much bigger issues that his… big.

sexism

Next advice is to DO SOME EXCERSICE AND LOOK GOOD

That actually confused me some, because it is usually right after the article where they pray about how beautiful you are, no matter if you’re tall,short, fat, skinny… But, loose some weight to make him want you.

It is actually not a bad advice, but you should really do it for yourself and no one else. If it makes you miserable, but he wants you to look thinner, then it’s time to check if he wants it for your own health and well being, or because he just simply doesn’t really love you for who you are.

This is where I stoped with the advices because I was shell shocked with the comments I started, and couldn’t stop, reading. The comments were mostly from women to other women. Instead of being supportive to each other, we, of course, can’t wait for an opportunity to disgrace and humiliate some other poor sod we consider so stupid, we have all the right to throw bad words in her face(book profile). Most of the comments were blaming women for not being sexy, not having regular sex with their boyfriend/husband, for gaining weight after pregnancy, for being too tired with work and kids and household and not giving „your man what he deserves, so it’s ok for him to go find someone who will give it to him“. It actually, physically hurt me to see how big-mouthed these women are.They really don’t stop at anything, even though they have absoultely no idea what someone’s life looks like.

And they find minds who think alike, not understanding that public undermining women just gives men the right (in their minds) to act the way they feel like. Do I even have to mention there were male comments of the same sort? Some rusty, old bag commented how his wife must look sexy and it is disgusting if she doesn’t. He got tons of  likes.

Apart from the relationship part, we are also donwsized in all possible ways in the business field.

If a man is called a LEADER, a woman will be called PUSHY for the same behaviour.
A man is DEVOTED, but a woman is OVERBEARING.
He is MULTITASKING, but she is NOT CONCETRATED ON THE IMPORTANT.
When he is not making notes in a meeting, he is SMART ENOUGH TO MEMORIZE IT, she is NOT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY.
A man is STRONG, and a woman is AGGRESSIVE.
When he goes for a drink ater work, he is SOCIALIZING, but she is NEGLECTING HER CHILDREN / PARTYING.

I could list it all night long, but the bottom line is, we face sexism at its purest and at its discreet, but we can’t blame anyone else but us, because we will say all those things in all these situations!

It is time for you to stop fearing the Succesful Bitch. It is time for you to change your mindset and think how chic that hardworking mother of three dressed today, not how expensive her clothes is. It is time to stop fearing your own insecurities, flaws and reflection in the mirror and to accept you deserve better than a man who makes you angry for not helping around the house, or makes you feel guilty for going on a trip with her girlfriends, and that you deserve better than a boss who makes snarky, sexist comments about your appearance.

It is time to fully enjoy life, accept yourself and others because, hey, at the end of the day it’s just you and your consience, and it better damn right be clean.

And remember: Not being mean is being good, too!

Feel free to comment AT THE TOP OF THE POST (I still haven’t figured out how to put the comment box at the end :))

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5 Comments

  1. What an informative post! The best thing women can do for one another is build each other up and not speak badly about ourselves. When we speak badly about ourselves or put ourselves down, I think sometimes others take it as permission to do the same. :)

    • Aria Bubbles

      September 27, 2015 at 20:14

      Thank you for your supportive words :) Yes, we girls really lack support towards each other. Hope it will change :)

  2. This is very true. Sending mixed and wrong messages, help and advice. And yes, when you aren’t showing others your own self worth and self love others can’t do so either.

  3. Oh man! I have experienced this too many times. My meyers briggs profile is the executive… but Im reffered to as abrasive. Where a man would be “straight forward or to the point”. What matters most is what I think and know about myself. Im a driven, no bullshit, big heart babe!

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